Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
