I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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