Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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