My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If that was your dad, he is hot
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
