I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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