I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
