I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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