john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
