the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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