:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
