you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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