It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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