they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Boobs speak an international language.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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