Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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