jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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