At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
