Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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