Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
