sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
