Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
