I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
