11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
