That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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