Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
