He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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