I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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