I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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