Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
