Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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