If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I deserve this hangover.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
