I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
