My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
two words: eviction party
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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