operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
