People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just forgot I was standing up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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