I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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