haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
