Where is the hickey?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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