I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
