I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
