this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
