My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
