Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
