A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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