I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's shark week go big or go home
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
