Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
