just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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