fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
