Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i need to put some appletini on your dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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