11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
