I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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