I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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