it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
