After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
