I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
