too bad you live with your parents still
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
