dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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