did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
