guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
