i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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