i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
being pregnant is like rehab
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's blow job season.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
