did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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