I just found puke in my bra..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
