So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
