When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
