Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
