if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
