Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
